Menu Negotiator Pillows

"Don't give me that. My lawyers assure me there's a loophole in your menu's no-substitution clause big enough to drive a truck through. Now, either I get my creamed spinach instead of those fried onion rings or we'll continue this discussion in court."

"Is the MSG local?"

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

Garlic Free Zone.

'Men order. . . women shop.'

'Broccoli is biodegradable, you know, in case you want to throw it out before I eat it.'

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'So we're agreed: we'll go to mediation.'

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"The chef recommends the most expensive dish on the menu."

'If Darwin had been the cook on the Beagle' 'Menu- its Evolution'.

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

"He's a fussy eater."

'If negotiations sour, throw a handful in his eyes.'

"'Market Price' isn't about the food. It's what we think we can charge YOU."

'Do you have a traditional Christmas dinner, but for a lacto-vegan fruitarian?'

'I understand yours is a highly coveted position in this company.'

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

'What do you mean, it's good for me and I'll like it? That sounds like a contradiction in terms.'

Pick Your Own Baby Lamb Chops

Lunch Broker

"We take pride in offering food that's simple, basic, yet absurdly expensive."

"I wanted to give Christmas bonuses but that would violate the separation of church and business."

Todays Special: Beans on Toast #2.50 (use of tin-opener 10- extra. . .)

…Here's the deal…You get your brother and sister to finish their fruit, vegetable and milk, and I'll get you extra dessert… Food Pyramid Scheme.

"The specials I didn't order sound so much better when you describe them to other people."

'Due to global warming the Baked Alaska has been replaced by Thawed Alaska.'

'5 pounds of liver ought to be enough to get your husband to take you out for dinner.'

'It's the same special as yesterday...'

Yes, sir, we allow substitutions. Great! Okay, instead of lima beans, I'd like to substitute a beer at your place.

'I represent the Student Cafeteria Committee. With finals coming up, we demand more fish on the menu. We hear that's brain food.'

'What would Anthony Bourdain order?'