Menu Critic Mugs

"While you've been making your mind up, the Early Bird special when up three bucks."

'As you requested, we trimmed the fat.'

"I'm sure the truffle risotto is delicious but I've had it so often I'm sick of it."

Frankly, I've seen better menus on my computer accounts Package.

"Haven't you got anything that hasn't been regurgitated?"

'The only vegan item on the menu is the menu itself.'

'It was the menu in this pub that drove me to drink...'

'What'll it be?'... 'A long time before I come back.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

6 Brothers Falafel

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Rump roast?"

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"