Melody Meets Casino Mugs

Traditional piano player is infact playing a fruit machine

"We have a song, but neither of us can remember it."

"I can neither confirm nor deny what this next song is about."

Caught in the Music

We're making progress building a staff for the palace. The king's lawyer and accountant has sealed lips, of course. Putting a big heart in the charity foundation chief, and building the gardener with a green thumb were excellent choices, Ernie. But the entertainers sill need some fixes. The jester doesn't have a funny bone. I'm nobody's fool. And you have the minstrel a tin ear! Oops.

'He wrote a whole book on how to play a slot machine. I'm anxious for his next one: How to Set an Alarm Clock.'

"Harold, not only was it perfect, It was perfectissimo!!"

"I find it comforting to have Off-Broadway plays in the background."

"I think your guitar's broken. No matter what you play, it sounds the same."

'Sunglasses? Silly hats? Face cards?'

"You'll have to imagine the melody for this next song too."

Resume of Claude Brisketson Composer

A dog banging a snare drum.

'I know that you've come away with a small fortune. But you went in with a big one!'

'Necessity is the mother of invention. It's just a pity Buxtehude didn't encounter a bit more necessity.'

'Quick, pen and paper! The muzak has brought poetry bubbling to the surface!'

An affair to remember.

Romance Music

Melody Cockroach.

'You might try the chef's surprise, if you're a real daredevil.'

Saxophone summoning.

Tune Up Shop.

Mary's Botox injections paid for themselves in no time.

Romantic Music

"Rats! It's already tenderized."

Benny More

'Okay, now try it in the gear of 'D'.'

Singing Doctor

"I'm afraid you can't speak to the Chef at the moment, sir. He's out, buying you a, 'get well soon' card."

'For God's sake, Tom, just let her cry - I can't stand your singing any longer.'

'I've written a love song about big dividend - playing stocks.'

'We've had our starter and to follow we'd like to order an ambulance!'

Lottery Here. Don't you know the lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math? Yes, but we're hoping for a huge tax refund.

Violin Pipe

Benjamin Britten.