Meeting Etiquette T-Shirts

"New meeting rule: No looking at phones or playing with string."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Let's start with an icebreaker..."

"The meeting will come to order."

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

"I need to see your budget proposal."

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

"I'll wait a moment for everyone's energy drink to kick in."

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

"It's been moved that we adjourn for an afternoon nap. Is there a second?"

'Hey, look, I can stand up and shout, too!'

'The sunglasses idea would have worked if you hadn't started snoring.'

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'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"