Meeting Culture Pillows

"Nobody seconds, now sit down and shut up."

'40 years and I never missed a meeting. Oh, I attended a few, but never missed not going to another!'

"Because of the quarter we just had, our parentage is in question. Our parent company now wants a DNA test."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

21st century water cooler conversations.

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

Boss's Desk Says No!

"They're having a fight over how best to handle client conflict."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

Do Not Resuscitate

Bo're'droom