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Premeditation Murder

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

"Trust me. This is going to make it easier to discuss your childhood."

DIY marriage counseling.

"Remember, you can do ANYTHING...but for only 80 cents to every dollar earned by a man."

"Now, let’s talk about your attachment issues."

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

'Have you been working out?'

"This week we're going to try some regression therapy."

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"Krazy straw"

"Yoga has helped me appreciate the healing power of donuts."

'We need to try to regress you beyond the last seven seconds...'

Turkey survivability - 'It's all in being able to put the old fork down and say no.'

"I worry that some people find me boring"

"How do you feel about turning over?"

'Extreme acupuncture.'

Therapy for the cow dependent

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

'The therapy did help your husband find his inner child, unfortunately his inner child is called Dwayne.'

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

'I keep having these flashbacks.'

Development of disgusting new flaws. Loving acceptance of your flaws.

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'