Medical Warning Enthusiast Mugs

Caution: Do not try and make sense of our medical warnings whilst operating heavy machinery.

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"....H....5....N...1...???You got me.... but I'm sure it spells trouble."

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"Don't be an idiot, Larry."

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

Warning: Not giving milk is hazardous to your health.

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

On the scale of 1-10, do you like it?

"It's called being preemptive."

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

"Will he be okay?"

No Action Comics

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

'The medication wont cure you, but it's side effects will!'

'You're a hypochondriac.' 'Yes, Doctor, but am I a healthy hypochondriac, or a sick hypochondriac?'

'Panic over...it's not mumps just high blood pressure.'

'Wait a minute! Didn't I see you on 'Funniest Medical Bloopers and Blunders'?'

'You're fine.'

'Get back! Get back! Or so help me...I'll eat it!'

'I gave you a few extra stitches - Your husband's idea, really!'

'Even hypochondriacs pass away...sooner or later.'

'Your present physical condition reminds me of my 401(K), worth about half of what it once was'

"They told me to consult with a doctor before beginning an exercise program."

"I think the Church is taking this flu thing a little too seriously."

"So, when you looked up your symptoms, did it say to complain about it incessantly but never seek treatment?"

"Nurse, you've mixed up the helium and oxygen again haven't you ?"

"I knew it. I just KNEW it. How long have I had this condition, doctor? Is there a cure? Oh, God, it just had to be disease, didn't it..." Cathy finds out that she has hypochondria.