Medical Scientists Pillows

Pasteur and those who came before him and failed.

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

2021

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

Thinking Gears

vaccine wars.

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

'I checked the database, Mrs. Nimitz. There's no such symptom.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

"In twenty seconds, our crew will be traveling fast enough to escape the Earth’s problems."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"Our war is against cancer."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'Don't feel bad — all tree huggers get a splinter now and then.'

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

A midwife holding a baby

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

Lactose Intolerant

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."