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Doctors Without Boundaries

"You'll feel like shit tomorrow but I'm just an old cynic"

"How often do you have this pre existing condition?"

'I'll grant you, he looks better than he did yesterday, but he's still dead.'

"Can you fit him with remote control facilities, doctor"

'I'm going to try some mild shock therapy - I want you to go to Fred's Diner and order the Chef's Surprise.'

"What do I do? He refuses to sleep on his own."

"According to our medical records you've been diagnosed as a hypochondriac."

Arm puncture...

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Lactose Intolerant

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Virtual Doctor

'Hello, I'm Dr. Frank Stein and this is my anaesthetist, Dr. Ivan Gore. We'll be doing your hernia operation tomorrow.'

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'There is a drug for Hypochondria... but the side-effects may actually make you sick!'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

"I feel your pain level."