Medical Professional Comic Lover Pillows

"Please have a seat over by the door, sir - We're looking for a volunteer to examine you."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

'Snap out of it.'

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

'I apologize, Mr. Wilson, that scream wasn't very professional of me. . . But that IS one ugly growth on your chest!'

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

'Just another couple of pages.'

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

'...Better clear my schedule too.'

'Why do you people always wait a week or two before seeking medical help?

Orthopaedist

When he got the wrong medication, no one would own up to it. They were real good at covering their own butts.

'The good news is that new medicine cleared up the spots, but...'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

Calm down...this is for your own good.

"I know we're supposed to get rid of 'superbugs', but ours is the only one that understands the IT systems!"

Lazy Doctor

"I'm having you fitted with a monitoring device that will help reduce blood glucose during meals by automatically signaling the brain to reduce food absorption. It's called a belt."

"Hi! My name is Kevin, and I'll be your doctor today."

'...Do you have an appointment...?'

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

'Now, don't panic, but I'd like you to take off all your clothes so we can burn them.'

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"