Medical Procedure Guru Pillows

'Miss Johnston, I thought I told you to remove 'Marathon man' from the reading material!'

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Self help acupuncture

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

'You may not feel any healthier right away, but you'll definitely feel more smug.'

National Academy of Sport

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

Tired executive going into gym coming out gleaming

Keep Fit.

Congratulations on the new you!

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

'Apply that ointment as directed and call me if the growth does not reduce or it starts to talk.'

'Follow this diet, and soon the temple of your soul will just be a small chapel.'

Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.

"Your bedside health care book ... thanks for not reading it."

The worker/the man who monitors the worker/the man who wrote the draft policy guidelines on how to monitor the man monitoring the worker.

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

Humpty Dumpty in Occupational Therapy

'Look honey! I can touch my knees!'

'Have you been working out?'

"Ever since the elevator broke down, we've learned that our staff is in desperate need of a fitness program. Especially, since we're only one floor up."

'Beef Counselor - mad cow, foot and mouth, diet, nutrition, ethics'

'Its your archeries'

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

"I'm glad to see that almost everyone has been taking advantage of the new executive fitness center."

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'