Medical News Junkie T-Shirts

"Apparently reading about cancer can give you cancer!"

"We evolved from asteroids"

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

"It will be okay to hop when you go home but don't try to run."

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

'We don't have the answer, but we're really getting off on the attention.'

Hypochodriac worrying about his heart.

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

'Which? Covid-19 Variant' Guide.

"Code blue! Code blue! His heart's grown three times it's size!"

'Yes, I suppose I can learn to live with the pain in my foot. After all, I've been living with a pain in the neck for years!'

Health Foods

'Well, you're not a hypochondriac, you only THINK you're a hypochondriac!'

'Stay tuned for a surprising new health study regarding...'

A man in hospital is exposed to Covid-19

'I haven't read the health columns this morning. Is coffee out or in today?'

"We need a product that works like aspirin, but is a lot more expensive to buy."

'You have a parasite, I'm afraid.'

'I'm sorry, but there are now 16,000 medical jounals, and I no longer have time to see any patients.'

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

"Relax, un-controllable trembling is natural before major surgery."

'I hope you find something that's worth complaining to my friends about.'

"It's an experimental drug...we're experimenting to see if your health care insurer pays for it."

"Which do you want first, the good news that sounds better than it is or the bad news that seems worse than you expected?"

Press reports suggest that caffeine could provide protection against a range of cancers.

"In health news, everything you thought was good for you is now bad for you."

"What do I do? He refuses to sleep on his own."

'We couldn't save him, but we found out what made him tick.'

'He wants to know where the action is.'

The results of your brain scan are in

'I can assure you that the funding crisis in the NHS has been much exaggerated.'

"The most beautiful words in the English language: not "I love you", but "It's benign"."

'This will mean a great deal to my career, Mr. Ferguson -- yours will be the first case reported outside Zimbabwe!'

'I think it's time for me to get out of heath foods...'