Medical Mystery Fans Pillows

"I'm not sure if this is good or bad. . . he's allergic to H.M.O.'s!"

"Ah, Mrs Henshaw, I'm glad you rang me about your ticking sound, as it explains the mystery about my missing watch."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

'Well, none of the other options worked, so we installed a power cord on him -- if he starts going haywire again just unplug him and wait 30 seconds.'

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

"Who has removed the appendix from the medical text book?"

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

Paging for a Doctor

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

The Uterus in the form of a Ewe

"Went in for a simple blood test and got cloned by mistake."

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

"This patient must be really rich! He brought back the most extravagant illnesses from exotic holiday spots."

'Say, please.'

'He's the star of a new medical series.'

"Do you have a family history of this condition?"

Illustrated Encyclopedia of Infectious Diseases

'When you suggest that I might want the second, third, or even the forth opinion...are you saying my condition is THAT bad?!'

"You're sure it's a birthmark?"

'First the good news - we've all got to go sometime...'

"We'd like to start out being very involved with you but eventually be drawn away to much more interesting cases down the hall."

'I don't like the looks of this - there's nothing wrong.'

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

'We can't determine if you're telling the truth, but you should have a doctor check your pressure.'

"You're this age and never had surgery? Aren't you curious?"

"You have the Hum bug.'