Medical Misunderstandings Fan Prints

A man misunderstanding his diagnosis

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"

'Where does it hurt?'

'There are some things they don't teach you in medical school. I think you've got one of those things.'

Obstetrics.

"Elective surgery? But I'm not even registered to vote!"

'What?... You wanted your horse SHOD!?'

"Did I mention the date I had last night? A complete stiff, no sense of humor ... much too cerebral."

'You came through the delivery with flying colors, Mrs. Lewis.'

'Oops - it's not a stethoscope - it's my ipod!'

"There's a man at the door with a wooden leg."

'Your chart here says you've had some sort of allergic reaction to frogs' legs...can you be more specific?'

"Gina remembers where she left her pen... No wonder I can't write with this. It's a rectal thermometer."

'Strip DOWN to your waist, Mr Yomp, not UP!'

"I told him 1 tranquilizer every 4 hours, not 4 tranquilizers every 1 hour."

'I don't give a damn what the chart says! i did not have a hysterectomy!!!'

"What a screwup. I was only supposed to get a hip replacement."

'Advanced access' isn't REALLY about you booking an appointment in advance of having anything wrong with you!

"There was no large metal object in your rib cage after all. Turns out I was just seeing this old-timey doctor thing on my forehead."

"Uh, oh...I was supposed to rub this on your back..."

Man holding container entitled 'Die supplement', with newspaper headline stating 'Vitamin & mineral health risks'.

'When I asked if she was critical I didn't mean verbally!'

'No nurse! - I said check their obs!'

"Diverticulitis, hamartoma, schistosome, labyrinthitis...it sounds like the flu to me!"

'Please excuse my nurse -- this is her first day on the job.'

'There is no need to be alarmed, Mr. Shaw - there's been a mix-up in the laundry.'

'If you please, sir, Mother's took the lotion, and rubbed her leg with the mixture!'

"Do you keep stationery here?"

'It may have a few wild side effects. One of them may make you consult an obstetrician.'

'He must be allergic to measles. He's come out in spots.'