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"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

Providing Healthcare For All

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

Happy Birthday to you.

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Time for your pills.'

'Long shift?'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

"Gross."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'Quick, do a background search and see if this doctor passed his boards!'

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

Brian surgeon squeezing brains from a tube.

'Restless Peg Syndrome.'

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

Why you shouldn't date an anesthesiologist.