Medical Irony Fans Pillows

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Lactose Intolerant

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

"The colonoscopy isn't your eternal punishment...the prep is."

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

"Your veins are too narrow. Let me get our in-house specialist to help."

The Uterus in the form of a Ewe

'You've got dry scalp.'

"I think you're suffering from nostalgia, Mr. Prentice."

'Sure we're underfunded, but we manage!'

'The NHS is committed to patients having control over their care...So if you'd like to check your symptoms online I'll be back later for a diagnosis and careplan.'

"I'll have someone come in and prep you for the bill."

"Since Dr Mullin's ill, a temp from Manpower will perform your liver transplant."

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

'You have bullseye rash. take this medicine twice a day and stay away from dart games.'

'You need some stress.'

'And now for the anesthesia: I've got plenty of conventional anesthetics I could use here but you can also choose to spend half an hour on the phone with my mother...'

'Next time your kid has a party, blow up the balloons with an airpump!'

Annexe 8

"I've heard that your medication can grow extra nipples, but I wouldn't worry about that if I were you..."

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

"It's a simple procedure. You'll be fine – as long as no one gets sloppy."

'Caution - congealed opening ahead.'

Scrip Doctor