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"What about that! His brain still uses the old vacuum tubes."

"I'm afraid that your irritable bowel syndrome has progressed. You now have furious and vindictive bowel syndrome."

'Bad news. You have to start wearing sensible shoes.'

'Not cremated exactly, but barbecued would be okay.'

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

'The bad news is there is no cure in sight because no celebrities have your disease.'

'I'm here to have my lens replaced - the doctor comes highly recommended!'

'I'm not sure how to put this delicately, but I'm afraid your husband has croaked...!'

Humpty Dumpty at the doctors, cracks

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'Mind that molar, careful of that canine...'

"I'm still worried about not finding the end of your finger."

"You have the Hum bug.'

"This will shift it."

The Uterus in the form of a Ewe

The perils of the focus group.

'General practitoner'

Pirate Doctor

'I'll need to run a few tests and find out what your horoscope says.'

"Wuhan virus, Ebola, West Nile, Asian Flu. . . what's wrong with good old American diseases?"

'My job is to make sure you don't take it all with you.'

"Please, give me your insurance card."

"Well it didn't work, so now we'll try it your way."

"Cosmetic surgery...third floor."

'Take one after each meal.'

'We'll make an incision just above 'I love Mum' and to the right of 'Kill the Pigs'!'

Mountain has tunnel called Carpal Tunnel.

'Of course, you're welcome to a second opinion from our HMO's insurance executive.'

'I wish we could tape their ramblings under anesthesia, it would make a great reality show.'

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

Calling doctor - "Oh, he's really bad....the chemists deliver."

'I'm as sick as a dog,'

"It's cooties."

"Sigh! No boating today." "For? Damn!" "Okay, prep her. Oh, and cancel my tee time." "How elective surgery really works."