Medical Check-up Pillows

'No. I said, 'Inhale deeply, and hold your breath.''

'We've found some clogs in your arteries...'

Doctor: 'Your discomfort may well be a bandwidth issue.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'Triglycerides? Let's just say when your cholesterol,HDL and LDL are partying it up, he's the guy you want to gate crash!'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

Angela would go on to start a new meme sub-genre called 'meme-ograms.'

Looking at the ultrasound, you are either pregnant or have a virus.

'Try not to think about your car-parking charges.'

'Your heart is slightly larger but that's because you're an animal lover.'

"Exactly how far up the chimney?"

Turn your head and laugh.

Medical Exam

"The tests are back and you're bright-eyed and bushy-tailed."

'You're in perfect health, which, I'm afraid, is an early sign of something eventually going wrong.'

"The doctor will see you now, warts and all."

'Say 'Ho'. . . again 'Ho'. . . again. . . 'Ho'.'

"Which do you want first, the good news that sounds better than it is or the bad news that seems worse than you expected?"

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"The last time I heard a beat like this I was at a Grateful Dead concert."

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

"You need to do less talking the talk and more walking the walk."

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"The cape comes off too."