Medical Bill Watchdog Pillows

"Why couldn't you open that wide during the procedure?"

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

"We found a problem with your bill. It's too low. But I'm confident we can get it into the unaffordabe range soon."

Minister rubbishes private sector hospital initiative.

Stafford Hospital - Twinned with Hell.

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

"Rumours of a crisis in the NHS are groundless...Spending is up by 2%, management ratios down by 62%..."

"You know it's the American drug companies that give you the headache that is cured by the pills they sell you."

Playing doctor: 'This time I get to play the HMO bureaucrat who decides if you live or die.'

Hospital: Senior Care/Long Term Care/Who Cares

Medical Billing & Coding

"I'm sorry, Mr Percival, but what you've got is not economically treatable."

'The doctor told me to avoid stress and then sends me a bill for $670.00.'

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

"Do a double-blind test. Give the new drug to rich patients and a placebo to the poor. No sense getting their hopes up. They couldn't afford it even if it works."

'He's playing 'Doctor'.'

Dr Obama

Marketing Spin

'The hospital lawyer is here, my lawyer is here, representatives from the insurance company, the ethics committee and the government are all here...where's the doctor?'

'We have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it.'

'Don't pay the doctor...'

"He gave me a complete checkup form head to wallet."

"I don't want treatment, just an insurance estimate."

'The pain went away as soon as you said it would cost 40,000 dollars!'

'If I had a million buck for every time I heard you say that, I could almost afford health insurance.'

"I hope you don't mind the medical student who's here to observe my billing procedure."

'When you have your health, you have everything except money to pay for healthcare.'

"These pills are $10 if you're paying for them... and $200 if your company is paying for them."

'It's bad news - my bill's ready.'

'We're working on the basis that they'll feel a lot better when we stop.'

Martin Health M.D. - practice limited to six figure diseases.

'I understand the fee for medications. But how come I was also billed for side effects.'

Private firms to run 30 of practices by 2010

'Either pay your bill or I'll let you go crazy.'