Meal Skeptic Prints

"Please don't kill me."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

"Mummy said dinner was brussels sprouts tonight. What about we drop by the park and see if the old man sitting on the bench can feed us instead?"

"Hey, waiter! This homework is burnt to a crisp!"

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten our genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

The Aisle

Now all meals contain 'Enzymate' for fast digestion.'

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

"It's natural, vegan organic, no additives, preservatives or cooking."

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"Tonight's specials include beef wellington (long regarded as a major source of cholesterol and saturated fat), Cajun-style swordfish (suspected of containing PCBs and toxic metals), and chicken teriyaki (recent increase in the incidence of salmonella whi

"Sorry, I can't tell your parents you're allergic to broccoli."

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

Error in low-fat pizza design.

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

Grocery Store - Warning: Contents may be hazardous to your health

"Sure, pal, whatever you say. Ha ha! The salmon is fresh."

Lite Beer.

"Still workin' on that, sir?"

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

"Management would like you to keep in mind that the latest research indicates that everything on our 'Healthy Menu' is now unhealthy."

"I want proof that I even need that much iron before I go eating all that spinach."

"I'll get the onion soup... it's the only thing on the menu that I don't know why it's bad for me!"

'Popcorn, carrot cake, and potato chips do not count as three servings of vegetables.'

'Your trouble is that you don't appreciate good food.'