Maverick Mind Pillows

"Where is everybody going?"

"Do you guys serve beer?"

Employee won't think about work outside of box

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

'So, gentlemen, how's the dollar trading against the immortal soul, today?'

'You have no idea how hard I've gotta work just to maintain my indie cred around here!'

"The only good news this year, gentlemen, is our massive bonuses."

Gene Therapy

'Life isn't fair! Most of the stuff I worried about over the years never even happened!'

'Please join me now in a group meditation.'

'All those in favour of my new proposal say aye. Those against, also say aye.'

Career Suicide

'We're not interested in loyalty,but we do value obedience.'

'Knock it off. That's just the kind of backward thinking I was talking about.'

"He's right, but he didn't have to rub our faces in it."

Colin had finished the 'One Minute Manager' and was now practising the 3467 minute tea break.

"Stan, this looks like a breakthrough!"

' I used to lead by example but it was too much work.'

'When are you going to show some INITIATIVE, Findley?', 'When you TELL me to, sir!'

'Don't just sit there, hire someone who agrees with me.'

'The ethics consultant said our business conduct is immoral. I immediately took action and fired the guy.'

"Don't try to understand them, just ride and rope and brand them."

"Don't feel bad. Shallow people make my job easy."

'Take a deep breath and don't panic - we're walking by the reason this area's known as the 'Fear Factor'!'

'Darn! - Don't you hate it when you forget what you were meditating about?'

'Managing a team in the current climate requires new skills...'

"You're wrong! I'm not the worst boss you've ever had. I'm the worst former boss you've ever had."

'What if, and I know this sounds kooky, we communicated with the employees.'

Conformity

'A sure-win radio talk show. People phone in with questions on existence and reality, and you respond with total silence.'

"Maybe this session we could work on getting you to admit you need help?"