Mattress Marvel T-Shirts

'Perhaps you'd like to try something a little firmer, madam?'

"Funny. My girlfriend said the same thing."

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

'Wendy! I'm glad you came over! I want you to see my baby's ultrasound hologram!'

"I have to admit. You talked a good game."

A Bedroom In The Middle Of Being Redecorated.

"We can't agree on a size."

"Triple whammy."

"If I had a restaurant, it would be called the Can and Microwave"

Doctor's house visit "What's made him worse since I phoned Doctor was worrying about the cost of a house call"

"Have you ever heard the saying, 'Two heads are better than one'?"

Mattress makers picketing in front of factory are sleepwalking.

'He's the father of the entire first row.'

"I keep my savings under my mattress. It's the only way I'll ever be able to retire on my money."

"The Firminator. One inch of foam over cement blocks."

Giant Sale: 'I said it was simply a misunderstanding.'

"I'm not sure why our realtor recommended getting a home staging expert."

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

Witch with a mobile home on her broomstick.

"It's more than just a mattress. It's a great place to rest your weary assets."

Mel wakes up on the wrong side of the bed.

The way the men in her lab acted when she was pregnant, you'd have thought Ann was going to give birth to seven-pounds of plutonium.

'I hate Mondays!'

"This is my place, and that's the guest house."

Memory-Loss Foam.

"He says if this is his death bed - he'd like a harder mattress."

"Looks like you need a KING."

'...And when the bell rings, come out fighting. But first, please switch your cell phones to 'vibrate.''

Soft Landings

"Are you sure you want me dying on the memory foam mattress?"

'This one's quite popular with the restless leg crowd.'