Maternal Figure Prints

"Dear Mum. As contractions begin I thank you for letting me share your uterus. When do I get my bond money back??"

Mother with sickly child

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Butterfly Woman

Prize vegetables.

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"Just be yourself."

The Busy Gardener

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

Gender Equality

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

I like the Jets...I guess

"A wet winter, but we're making the best of it."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

'What would your mum say if she saw you drawing all over the wall like that?'

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"His first out-of-body experience."

The Zoo.

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

Demure lady with gloves

Self help acupuncture

"We've made great progress!"