Matchmaking Gifts

Speed Dating Tonight - 7pm until 7.02 pm.

'Oh sure, Rupert's lovely, but his mate's a total slime-bag.'

'Yes I'm sure we will be able to put together your perfect match.'

'The dish of the day madam? He's sitting by the window. He's 32, single, and runs a very successful art gallery.'

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

"Have I got a girl for you!"

"Single!" "Single!" "Single!" "Wait! I'll get my son!"

"Guess who the computer came up with for you, sweetheart."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

Single socks? Looking to hook up with other single socks in your area?

"Thanks to Tinder and Covid, my whole career has gone down the toilet."

"No, I'm sorry, we don't have a low maintenance category."

"Yes, my personal ad said I was looking for a match, however..."

Matches Made in Heaven

"How about an EMO girl?"

"I think you are exceeding the speed limit."

Marriage Broker: Get married now...pay later.

'I'm sorry, sir, but affirmative action guidelines require that your first date be a Nepalese pastry cook.'

Dating Agency - "Here's one for you, she's bald with a Dickey-bow"

'I've got a moth who's very keen to meet a light bulb.'

'These are the qualities I'm looking for in a first wife.'

"Yes, I know internet dates often lie about their age, but they usually take years OFF!"

'Dinner's been over for three hours, but Mom keeps jumping back in the frying pan.'

A dog cupid flies an arrow after a dog jumping on a random man's leg.

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"You're still pulling back too hard on the bowstring"

There's a factory up here making something exported to earth? Yeah, people down there want a match made in heaven!

'I know she's not much to look at, but neither are you!'

Mister, Inc: 'Wrong...Right'

"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."

'Anyone can arrange a blind date, only truly great ones can arrange a whole relationship.'

'I'm sorry, sir, but affirmative action guidelines require that your first date be a Nepalese pastry cook.'

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

'I'm from the computer dating agency.'

'Dream-dates don't normally go for nightmares.'