Matchmaker Extraordinaire Gifts

"This sounds promising. . . dark brown hair, loyal, cuddly and good in bed."

"This is Stan, my latest project."

"If he were just 8 inches taller, 20 years younger,10 times more mature and a million dollars richer, he'd be perfect."

"Carl! Carl! He's telling the truth! He's married. The single guy lives next door."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Asking out a palm reader.

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

They knew they were made for each other when their eyes met from across the room at the Same Socks Bar,

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

Acme Dating Service

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

Match maker

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

"Ironically, I think I'm experiencing job burn out!"

Sidekick speed matching service.

"Of all the finger-painting classes in all the day-care centers in all the world, you had to walk into mine."

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

'Okay, this time we'll try for someone with a really good sense of humour.'

"I'm sure you will be very happy together."

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

Cupid's converge on a bachelor.