Master Of Modern Medicine Humor Pillows

"I've tricked all my squirmy patients into staying still by telling them we're doing the mannequin challenge."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Ice Cream Surgeon

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

PSA Banter.

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

Vlad the Inhaler

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

'My medical school believed laughter is the best medicine.

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

'It's a new technique for training interns: suture by numbers,'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

"How long before the clinical trials are over?"

"My doctor said I'm not getting any younger. I'd like a second opinion."

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"