Master Of Hospitality Gifts

'You just have to learn to say no.'

'I sent out for everything.'

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

Cardiac Recovery.

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

"She'll have a Shirley Temple, and I'll have a Shirley Temple's mother."

"I've tasted better myself, but you've got to admit the service is good."

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"You've ordered comfort food. May I recommend a comfort wine?"

Prawn Cocktail Please

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

"Valet park only"

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

"What's happened to Quiche?"

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

"I admire your patience, Fred, but c'mon!"

'Would you folks like sparkling water or tap water?'

"The mint on the pillow was nice, but I'd prefer a chocolate fudge brownie."

The Suite Hereafter

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

Would madam like me to send over the sympathy steward?