Masculinity Satirist Gifts

I just bought a new Kindle Voyage. It's much better than my Kindle Paperwhite. Blasphemy, little buddy. A real man lugs around a paperback that he's milled from a fallen Redwood that he lifted off of a baby deer, before reuniting the fawn with its mother. I bought if off of Amazon. I didn't even use "one-click." I used the shopping cart and chose all the options manually. Almost as impressive. I keep it old-school.

Vendor selling testosterone.

'I tried to get the numberplate PEN 15 but it had gone.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

Sock Puppet in Literature

"Excuse me, Doc, my attention wandered. What type of deficit disorder did you say I had?"

The Female Brain and The Other One

Snowman Driver

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"Oh, my husband is a great provider: his hunting success rate is close to 30%..."

Daniel Craig caricature

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

'Don't believe everything you read.'

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

Boldly going where no man has gone before.

'I'm just updating my Facebook profile.'

Alpha Pansy... Grrrrrr

'What's the antidote for espresso?'

"In the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen episodes."

"Jeremy sits in his hi-tech car all day and telecommutes from our driveway."

Stay at home

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

Everyone knew it was a hideous style, but nothing was ever said.

Skinny model in wardrobe - 'Clothes hang better on skinny models.'

"No need to set out traps, I'm leaving. You don't have Wi-Fi in this dump."

"The Bluebird of Happiness is on his way. We're security."

"I understand the sex scenes have been removed but the balanced-budget and term-limits scenes have been left in."

'It's bad news I'm afraid,we're asprins'

Jack and Jill Find Vending Machine

'Are they street legal, and do you have some insecurity thing going on?'

Explorers discover the last contrarian without a podcast.

Ladies of the Creation! - No. X - Miss Brown takes her cousin out fishing,

"Oh God, beards are so passe."

Screen Addiction