Masculinity Satirist Gifts

Vendor selling testosterone.

'I tried to get the numberplate PEN 15 but it had gone.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

Sock Puppet in Literature

"Excuse me, Doc, my attention wandered. What type of deficit disorder did you say I had?"

The Female Brain and The Other One

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

Snowman Driver

"Oh, my husband is a great provider: his hunting success rate is close to 30%..."

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

'Don't believe everything you read.'

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

Stay at home

"In the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen episodes."

"Jeremy sits in his hi-tech car all day and telecommutes from our driveway."

'What's the antidote for espresso?'

Alpha Pansy... Grrrrrr

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

Skinny model in wardrobe - 'Clothes hang better on skinny models.'

Everyone knew it was a hideous style, but nothing was ever said.

"No need to set out traps, I'm leaving. You don't have Wi-Fi in this dump."

Jack and Jill Find Vending Machine

Explorers discover the last contrarian without a podcast.

Screen Addiction

Ladies of the Creation! - No. X - Miss Brown takes her cousin out fishing,

"The Bluebird of Happiness is on his way. We're security."

'Are they street legal, and do you have some insecurity thing going on?'

"I understand the sex scenes have been removed but the balanced-budget and term-limits scenes have been left in."

"If it please the court, I'd like to act as my own plucky young female attorney."

"I knew you'd like this place."

"The Passive-Agressive Door-Holding Game:See if you can make an innocent stranger hurry from more than fifteen feet away while you hold the door."