Marriage Memo Reader Pillows

"Your dinner's flushed away."

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

'He does.'

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

"First they came for the horoscope and the crossword and I did nothing. Then they came for the cartoonists and there was no-one left to satirise it."

Fifty Shades of Gray

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

Memoirs: Fiction/Non Fiction.

'Can't you be happy without forever whistling?'

Your climb up the company ladder starts now.

"Erm, I don't think it meant just before the ceremony!!"

'My horoscope says I'm due for a surprise today.'

'My horoscope said I would be taking a long trip today.'

Andrea Leadsom's memoirs

'I'm married to my job, and now it wants a trial separation!'

It says, you're going to meet a nice Pisces for a romantic dinner.

"Are we sexually compatible? Well, we both get headaches at the same time..."

I know it was the biggest moment in your life, but honey - our wedding was six months ago.

"We've only been married three years and she's already giving me gbh of the ear 'oles."

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'

'Any time I ask him to do anything around the house he always has the same response.'

'Hi, I'm Linda, and this is my husband Jack. He's been having trouble keeping his penis to himself.'

'Of course I'm not fooling around with my secretary, Helen -- my receptionist would kill me!'

"By my count, that is the 27th last cast."

"I admire your devotion to duty."

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

"The autocorrect function is redundant for me. I'm married."

"Say those three little words you think I need to hear."

'He goes without saying - usually to the pub' (woman to marriage counselor)

'I bet your Sunday mornings are different now you're married,eh Sam!'

WHILE YOU WERE OUT OF BODY...

Curl up in front of a roaring fire tonight.

"I was just surprised you put the word 'marriage' next to the question asking if you suffered from a chronic condition."

'I do, but no promises.'