Marriage Manual Enthusiast Prints

"Every marriage comes with this set of instructions - Which the bride already knows by heart and the groom will likely never read."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

'...better or worse...better or worse...better or worse...'

"A word of advice, sir...when your wife reaches for another slice of pizza, never, ever say, 'Are you sure you should be eating that?'"

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

So all is not rosy in the garden?

Kindly readers, our resident counselor, Sadie Cohen, will be answering actual questions sent to her via email. Prepare to get an earful of wisdom! Dr. Sadie, I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman who I wish to marry but am still reeling from my first marriage scares me. How do I get over that fear? Signed, Fearful in Salt Lake City. Fear is a worthless emotion. It doesn't help at all. What you should be feeling is terror. Run for your life.

The golfer apologized for all his affairs. The governor regrets all his affairs. So does the former presidential candidate. I don't get the abstinence until marriage idea. Shouldn't it be abstinence AFTER marriage?

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

Gender Symbols

Apply to marry multi-marriage failure.

"I love marriage...It's my husband I hate."

'We haven't been seeing eye-to-eye lately.'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, for whatever that's worth these days.'

"I married for contrast."

'I thought Lobsters mate for life.'

'I'm not the sitting tenant, I'm your husband.'

"I agreed to 'for better' and 'for worse,' but never to 'for mysterious' and 'withholding'."

"I went ahead and got married without knowing the possible side effects."

"Why, it's a little piece of red yarn! Oh Harold, you always know JUST what to get me."

"Well, Pook, here's to one old marriage that just won't go away."

'Sorry darling, I'm too tired to lift you onto your pedestal tonight.'

"That's Stuart and Vivian Muntner. They're a one-marriage family."

'Harriet just became a senior, but she's an oldie, but goodie.'

"Since when did they start putting perfume in aerosol cans?"

". . . Do you both like and subscribe. . ."

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

"He's not the frog I married."

The widow's intended: 'Well, Tommy, has your mother told you of my good fortune.' Tommy: 'No. She only said she was going to marry you!'

'Sorry, my wife can't take your call at the moment. This is her answer phone.'