Marriage History Pillows

'You do realise that ‘Shag, Marry or Kill' is just meant to be a game, don't you?'

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'Oh my God. I love it!'

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"It started with a mutual interest in martial arts and developed into an interest in marital arts."

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

'Okay.. what the hell.'

Try Mediation

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

The Canine's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Cats attached

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"Since we're both being honest, I should tell you I have fleas."

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

"I heard they mate for life."

"...until death do you a favor."

A married couple share the same pole vault.

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

"This happens everytime someone asks to speak to the head of the household."

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."