Marriage Economist Pillows

'Marry me, Linda. Two can live more cheaply than one.'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

'Would you merge your mutual fund with mine?'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"

'Look, I want you back, but I'm not going to beg.'

'...in sickness or health, inflation or deflation,marriage tax credit or debit...'

"This doesn't have anything to do with the falling price of oil, does it?"

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

'Our love life has become market-driven.'

"We went dutch - he must have reached his two-hundred-dollar dating deductible."

"You just said, ‘And then I killed my first and second husbands.’ ... Let's explore that."

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

'And do you agree to share any downturn in the stock market with equanimity?'

"Honey, I'm home."

"Yes I know...she just needs a passport!"

'Do try and look intelligent-here comes my first husband...'

You are cordially invited...

A Man Visits A Doctor To Ask About Marriage.

"I'm leaving you. I would have told you earlier but the time just never seemed right."

"I had a hell a time choosing which wine went with your unrealistic expectation of me."

"Like the old saying goes, when the cat's away, the mouse better not do anything that'll get him choked out when the cat gets back."

'Oh, Denise. I wish we had met when community property laws were more in favor of men.'

'One thing I need clarified: if we marry in church, is there any point in a pre-nuptial agreement?'

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

"I liked you better as my first husband."

"She's high maintenance. I love her."

"If I get married, will that count as a capital gain?"

'Nobody really agrees about what marriage is these days, so I'll just say 'Yadda yadda yadda.''

"You know what I bet it is? I bet we're breaking up but we just don't realize it yet."

"My client, whom I shall refer to as your son, has retained me to represent him in these negotiations regarding an increase in his allowance!"