Marksman Humorist Gifts

"So, how was your day at work, Dear?"

'It's an extinction notice.'

Big Hank's shooting gallery.

"My wife is the queen of misheard lyrics! Listen to her singing carefully next time: it's hilarious..."

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

Well yes, I am a Blue Whale, but that doesn't mean I'm depressed...

"Looks like your rock cakes are a big hit this year, dear...."

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

'Where do you want to go for breakfast, fancy an Australian or do you want to nip over to Hawaii?'

"I was caught and released. But according to news reports, I remain a fish of interest."

This is where Brent council sends you

'I got one this small.'

"Today, the yen shot up on news it is spelled differently from the 'Yuan'."

So, how are you planning on eating that?

"Don't be afraid of sharks. They generally attack only when provoked."

Bullets Bulls in the form of Bullets

'Today stocks dropped on news that the only thing to fear is everything.'

"Bullets seem like overkill. What if I shot him with staples?"

'Well, we've been under a lot of pressure lately.'

"I'm doing my part to conserve electricity."

"Another impulse purchase?"

Musical arrows.

"I live in dread of being mistaken for an undersea energy cable."

"Face it, William - you're shit at it!"

Global Warming.

'In today's stocks... small caps rose on news big company stocks fell...'

Fingerlings.

'I don't know why I let you talk me into such hare-brained schemes...darn it,missed again!'

'Bring out your biodegradeables.'

"I went with the flow and wound up in the French quarter."

Colonel Bagshot.

'They can't help smelling like that -- they're biodegradable.'

'I'm still a bit hungry: I don't think I've had more than four tons of krill this morning...'