Marketing Gimmick Guru Prints

Buy two 16 oz drinks and get a free sippy hat!

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

Candid Camera store.

Target your customer.

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

Bob thinks his new neighbor may be bad for business.

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

"That's our new church mascot."

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

Women's sportswear - Sale on paradigm shifts.

Your ad here!

A close shave on the Titanic...

'Do we want to apply for a credit card that plays the song 'Money Makes The World Go Around' every time it is swiped?'

Floss Street Vendor

'We now have 28 subscription cards in every issue, but we MUST HAVE MORE!'

"We can succeed if our target audience is not made up of rational human beings."

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"

"Maybe we'd do better if we called ourselves 'baristas'."

Rudy, I've noticed your upsells have fallen drastically over the last 16 years. More and more, you just give customers what they ask for instead of pushing them to buy a larger cup, an extra cookie, or a 3-minute bathroom pass. That is unacceptable. So I've signed you up for my mandatory "How to Upsell" course and ordered you the reading material. Tuition fees will be deducted from your check. As your first lesson, I've upgraded you from the 2-week course to the 15-day one for just $50 extra. Ve

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

"Okay, let me come at this question a different way: Does anybody here actually know how to sell anything?"

'I don't get it... Our business model was exactly the same.'

These Sales Reps get more aggressive every year.

'I think scroll sounds better than 'continuous media,''

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

"In the marketplace of ideas, we may not have the best ideas, but we have the best marketing."

"I think you'd make a persuasive salesman."

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

The price or the biscuits?

'The good news is consumer confidence is up. And the REALLY good news is consumer gullibility is Way up.'