Marketing Gifts

"It doesn't matter what you like - according to the demographics, this is the car for you."

"I'm just concerned that we're forgetting the true meaning of Cyber Monday."

'Why do I have to go first?' 'There's no I in team, Dave.'

'Now think, Harris, what did you do different on that day?'

"That's what I want to say. See if you can find some statistics to prove it."

Starbucks doubles its sales by devising a way to sell coffee over the Internet,

"Wheels and an engine? Now you're talking sports package."

'I like it. It's catchy and easy to remember.'

When Focus Group Researchers Go Head to Head

"Could we talk Girl Scout cookies?"

"So let's roll up our sleeves and show that America still builds the world's greatest advertising."

"We don't make cookies anymore - I'm selling Girl Scout apps."

"If this drug doesn't relax your nerves, try chanting its incredibly soothing brand name."

"87% of the 56% who completed more than 23% of the survey thought it was a complete waste of time."

"It's not enough to just show up. You have to have a business plan."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

"Your body language says you've lost interest."

'This red line indicates the change in this red line over a period of time,'

'...Any ideas for a product?'

'Product diversification, I like that.'

Bacteria Special Offer

"The active ingredient is marketing."

'It's so new we don't know what it does, but nobody else has it so we're selling the hell out of it.'

'The sales team did all they could, so I'd have to say the blame for that must fall on the consumer.'

Customer Satisfaction.

It used to be all about truth and justice. Now, mostly I fight for market share.

'Our strategy is perfect! This is the customers' fault - they don't think the way WE do!'

The focus group hated it. So he showed it to an out-of-focus group.

'We need a campaign to tell the public that we put social responsibility ahead of profits so we can make more profits.'

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

'Legal says we could get by with the term 'super' but adding 'duper' might be pushing it.'

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

Good start. Needs more gibberish.

"It's too easy to lose a business card. A rubber stamp, you'll remember."

Marketing Spin