Market Maven Gifts

Bull and bear checking in for work.

"On Wall Street today, the stock market corrected its previous correction, and is pretty sure it's got it right this time."

"Sure, it may be great for us, but it's hell on the markets."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"My favorite time of year is earnings season."

Calls of the Wild: Moose Call, Coyote Call and Margin Call.

'Your best hedge against a down market is having lots of money.'

"I'm looking for a hedge against my hedge funds."

"Dow Jonesy enough for you?"

'And here's Ted with his, always accurate, post-market predictions.'

"Yes, I'm still getting up early, but these days it's to check on the spot markets for oil and natural gas."

Welcome to 'Should've, Would've, Could've', the investment hindsight show.

Fortune - Lost a Fortune.

'He's back on the ledge again! This time, he sold everything, and the market went back up.'

'In today's action, the Dow Jones Industrial Average cratered, then soared, then swooned, then skyrocketed, then plummeted, then rebounded, and finally threw up.'

The economic forecast is difficult for an amateur to get right...but the professionals are reasonably confident that the markets will go either up or down in the long or short term.

'They're the same financial publication. It just depends if you're bullish or bearish.'

'We have to go global since nobody around here will buy our product.'

'Don't mind him. He gets this wa every time they start talking about the inverse relationship between bond yields and prices.'

"Basically it makes the same mistakes we've always made - but it makes tham so much faster!"

'You go without me. I'm feeling a little down today.'

"In an unexpected development, the market behaved rationally today."

'I'm not asking anything for me but would you indicate to me as to whether you are bullish or bearish?'

Company Share Price - "The god news is we've become a very attractive takeover target, sir."

'Stocks remained steady, due to weak production in the rumor mills today...'

"Today share prices fell sharply on the fear that share prices may fall sharply."

'What I really miss is being able to blame my broker.'

"And that's how Twitter almost crashed the Dow."

'We did bounce around for a while, but as you can see, we're now back on course.'

We won't have to face any angry stockholders. We're running our annual stockholders meeting as an online webcast.

"The market was very volatile today."

"Why can't they call it a 'Deer' or a 'Squirrel' market?"

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides stimulated hand-holding when the market is down.'

'This investment fund idea looks promising, Harlow, but could you think up a catchier name than 'Ponzi Scheme'?'

'The cornerstone of our investment strategy, Mrs Preston, has always been buy now, panic later.'