Marital Satirist Mugs

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

'Andrew, I'm breaking off our romance. Of course, that doesn't mean we can't stay married.'

"It was peaceful - I listed his faults the one last time and he drifted away."

'Yeah... It's a wedding ring... I wear it on the wrong finger because I'm married to the wrong man.'

'It's from my father. He heard about our pending divorce and he wants a refund for the wedding.'

Shacking up Bureau

'Roger was always true. He didn't smoke or drink, he knew how to handle money, he always drove according to the regulations and he never used swear words. I gave him his marching orders because he bored me to death.'

"And is there any particular reason Mrs Muglewump for you wanting to divorce your 93 year old billionaire husband?"

"My wife of fifty years would kill me if she knew I was having this affair."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

"And do you, Stephanie, promise to love, honor and 'obey'?

"I hate weddings. They make me feel a momentary lapse of cynicism."

The finer points of marriage.

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

"You might want to save that for your blog."

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

'You're three o'clock cancelled, the Parson deal is ending, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'

"You're only as old as you feel, right, honey? And today, I feel like being 24!"

"You call that worrying?"

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

"Oh, my husband is a great provider: his hunting success rate is close to 30%..."

"Son, the key to a happy marriage is listening, or at least purr and pretend you are."