Marital Sage Prints

'Take it from me, hon. Divorce is the continuation of marriage by other means.'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

One way only.

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

Parson and abandoned husband

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

"Everytime you touch me, I get frostbite!"

"First you make a roux."

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

Bishop with a crozier case.

'How am I supposed to meditate with your nose whistling?'

'I still have all my own teeth.'

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

Couldn't you have used a smaller font?

"That was a fascinating regression. Apparently, you were a pirate in a previous life!"

Last Will and Testament: Salt, Pepper, Tarragon, Garlic.

"You're confusing guilt with feelings of remorse. With remorse, you don't need a lawyer."

'I'm afraid my husband will stop loving me as I get older.' - 'Mine would never do that with me. You know why, don't you. He's an antique dealer.'

"Rough year?" (2021 new year baby asking 2020 old year man)

'Did you spill my pint?'

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

"Honey, please! I can’t concentrate with you in there being married to me!"

"It's nice of you to say so, Ben, but somehow the idea of 'Shakespeare in the Park' doesn't really appeal to me."

'Meaning of life, eh? -- Who wants to know?'

The past only looks good when you're living in the present.

'Wh-h-hatz-u-upp, dude?'

'Always give a grave prognosis, my boy!...'

'The new teacher in our school is single and cute but he has commitment issues. He's changed his Internet service provider six times.'