Marital Referee T-Shirts

Foul play

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

Wedding Chefs

"I thought we swore never to go to bed angry."

'Oh, we don't keep score in our marriage, Dr. Downs, but if we did, I'd be winning 212 to 137.'

"To be honest, I'm not really surprised to hear your relationship isn't working out. You're not the first bacterium and penicillium to sit in those chairs and you certainly won't be the last."

"She leaves wooden-handled knives soaking in the dishwater all night long. Your Honor."

'I agreed to a relationship coach, not a referee.'

Richard and Wendy Kozier, of Saddle River, New Jersey, with U.N. Peacekeeping Contingent

"The Jacksons will be there in about an hour and I promise you guys an epic fight!"

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

"May I remind you that our prenuptial agreement called for me to take the plants?"

"You forgot to say ‘and they lived happily ever after.'"

"Look, I'm not denying the validity of your grievances. I just think they'd be better addressed at home, Helen."

"He's fluent in 24 computer languages and never says a bloody word to me."

'Objection over-ruled!'

"I can try, but I've never had a marriage overturned on appeal."

"If I could choose any age I'd be forty-two again. You were hot when I was forty-two."

'Well, Helen, you were right - our marriage contract does include an option year.'

'The Ref gave out 4 yellow cards, 2 reds and 7 Valentine cards.'

'You deserve one another, but I don't deserve you!'

'I suppose this puts my new bike on the back burner?'

'And he seems to think he's God's gift to women.'

"You can't leave! I haven't had dinner yet!"

'You say he's stubborn, mean, cantankerous, won't take orders, sometimes won't move? Are you talking about your mule or your husband?'

"Look, like I keep telling what's-her-name here, we don't have a marriage problem."

'Share your innermost feelings or the remote gets it.'

"This is just like you, beverly. We're supposed to meet alone and you bring your attorney."

"The orgasms were real. But I faked the kids."

'Maybe your wife doesn't understand you, because you don't make any sense!'

"Not right now, Sweetie, mommy's got her own 'Partisan Impasse' to deal with."