Marital Jokes Prints

"Hold up! I have to take this - it's my wife again."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

'Despite his laser eye surgery, he still doesn't see the mess he leaves in the living room every day.'

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

"The waiter said he wouldn't recommend the octopus, so what do you order? The octopus."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

"Let's take in a trial."

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

"No heroic measures."

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

"I figured you'd end up looking like that."

'Mom, would you have married Dad if you had seen him in high definition first?'

"You never tell me you love me." "I told ya' once. I'll let you know if anything changes."

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

"Would it kill you to help around the house for once?!"

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

"That's O.K., I'll go—'m dressed."

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

'Is this what you're looking for, dear?'

'I wish to lose all excess weight.'