Marital Jest Master Mugs

'That holiday I booked for my wife to the Galapagos Islands? She found her way back, so can we try another destination?'

'He does.'

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

'I missed work due to a rib injury from belly-laughing at your jokes.'

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

Wedding Chefs

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

Hold on

"You never seem to hear a word I say to you!"

"The Jacksons will be there in about an hour and I promise you guys an epic fight!"

'I'm married to my job, and now it wants a trial separation!'

"My wife and I have a love-mate relationship."

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'

"We've only been married three years and she's already giving me gbh of the ear 'oles."

'Almost done.'

"Our marriage has been experiencing a spot of turbulence lately."

"How come you only loosen up when you've got a cold?"

"The autocorrect function is redundant for me. I'm married."

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'Of course I'm not fooling around with my secretary, Helen -- my receptionist would kill me!'

'How are Rod and Cindy getting on?' 'Like a house on fire!'

'Hi, I'm Linda, and this is my husband Jack. He's been having trouble keeping his penis to himself.'

"I admire your devotion to duty."

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

'He goes without saying - usually to the pub' (woman to marriage counselor)

"Looks like from now on Jerry's going to be reading about Monday night football in Tuesday morning's paper.

"I know I promised to be faithful but I hadn't counted on the 'El Nino' effect."

Who's Who in bed?

Marriage Guidance - "Do you find that hating each other puts a strain on your relationship?"

'I bet your Sunday mornings are different now you're married,eh Sam!'

"I was just surprised you put the word 'marriage' next to the question asking if you suffered from a chronic condition."