Manuscript Mogul Pillows

"Constructive criticism? It says I can't write my way out of a paper bag, and you call it constructive criticism."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Do me next."

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

'If only every year was an election year.'

"And we will absolutely start lending again as soon as we finish building our debtors' prison."

"Oh great, the printer is down."

'It's crunch time, Caldwell. That's the time between when you're born, and when you make your first million.'

'Call the boss! We're in trouble!'

"....So called 'fake news' is dangerous to our democracy!"

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

Newspaper suicide.

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

Editor.

Greed.

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

"Can you rewrite this in 3-D?"

'Thank god for the spellchecker!'

Counting my Bonus...

As you can see, media coverage at this event is very heavy...

'You've been killing files again.'

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

"To be honest, I'm leaving public service so I can make some real money as a talking head on a cable news network."

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

The Personal ATM

'Get me public relations!'