Manuscript Analyst Pillows

'I know you see this as a 'coffee table' book, but might I suggest it would make a better 'under the wonky leg of a coffee table' book,,'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Oh great, the printer is down."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

Editor.

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

I'll be honest, Jerry - When you invited me to join your book club, this is not what I expected.

'Thank god for the spellchecker!'

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

Publisher to writer: 'It was a great read, except I collided with run-on sentences, tripped over broken English and got knocked about by a dangling participle.'

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

Man has thrown his computer aside and is writing on a typewriter.

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

Colin kept a notebook by his bed to write down any ideas he had during the night... "Genulph hyu donkey slapperthwaite."

A monk illustrates a manuscript with emojis

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

"We'll publish your book, doctor, but we'll have to get a second opinion."

Proceedings of the club

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

"See, that's the problem with you new breed. You take rejection too personally."

'Your new book is full of mistakes: the critics will have a field day.'

"Right here is where you lost the narrative flow."

'Thank you for your submission. If we're interested, we'll be in touch.'

"They have a wonderful author-editor relationship."

'You will write a book, but it won't be on Oprah's recommended list.'

'Your manuscript was delicious.'

"Here it is - my novel. I'll be interested to hear your compliments."

"It doesn't work as a novel. But we're willing to publish it as a desk calendar."