Management Jokester Pillows

'After all these years of purposely losing to the boss, I beat the pulp out of him and turned in my resignation.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

'I recognize the face ... I just can't pin down the name.'

"Openness and transparency are a big part of our corporate mythos."

'Our Board of Directors are really very fickle!'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

'When I say we all need to make sacrifices, I, of course, didn't mean us.'

"If you really want to get ahead you'll need to stop licking your own butt and start licking mine."

'Don't disturb me - I'm in conference!'

"The good news is we've used up all our bad ideas."

'Tell your boss we represent an independent watchdog committee.'

He likes to make work fun

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"And this is my junior partner, my son, Ira."

"Make sure the coffee has extra caffeine. I want the employees awake during overtime."

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

"First, we'll look for repressed memories of malpractice suits."