Management Consultant T-Shirts

"Mr. Sherman, you hired our team of management consultants to stremline your enterprise, and that is precisely what we are doing."

"What can we do about this leadership course,,," "I don't know,what do you think" "Isn't there anyone we could ask"

I need someone who'll ask the tough questions, no matter how risky.

Target setting: 'What about 38%, we haven't used 38% for a while.'

"Tim, there's more to coaching than trying to get everyone to be just like you!"

"The consultants we brought in to monitor the consultants who are looking into our cutting back on consultants are recommending specialist consultants."

'We had a group think about implementing paradigm shifting re-prioritisations of our inward facing media strategy in order to enhance our communication with the average man on the street.'

"How do we know it's not full of consultants?"

"Does our improvement really need to be so continuous?"

'This merger will cut jobs 40%, reduce salaries 30% and increase the work hours 25%. Your job is to make this look like the best thing that ever happened to our employees.'

'Now's a good time to get a feel for your negotiating skills.'

There are better responses to 'change' than running around the office screaming 'We're doomed!'

Fortunately there was an interpreter for those who understood sign language.

'Let's all link hands and think positive thoughts...'

Job Creation Scheme.

"I am afraid Mr. Jones is in his career coaching session. Can I get him to call you back?"

"Prioritising focus based paradigms with an outcome driven programme, blah, blah." "Did you understand any of that?" "Only the Blah! Blah! bit."

'Call a meeting, they're up to something, again.'

"You can increase your profits 60% by pressuring staff into more unpaid overtime...that will be ?83,000 please."

"May I offer a very different scenario?"

"My firm has scrutinised your accounts and determined you could save a fortune by the sacking us...that'll be £300,000 please!"

After paying the IT consultants we didn't have enough left for proper laptops!

Balancing Family and Work

'Good morning, I am Mister Greenreaper independent consultant. The management has asked me to reorganize your department in oder to improve its productivity and its competivity.'

"It's from corporate. They need us to cut operating expenses even more."

"Yes, I specialize in helping people like through the changes ahead: Change is good if you embrace it..."

"It's more relevant than some of the other theme parks we've been to."

An hour's free consultation...

Mentors guide you through the maze.

NHS spends ?989 million on management consulatants

'Oh why did I bring in that management consultant?'

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

"Does anyone have even the vaguest idea of what we actually DO?"

'This will give you an overview of our branch offices.'

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'