Management Cliche Collector T-Shirts

"Before we start. Can I empower you to pour the coffee?"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

"The cat told me to eat your homework."

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

Snowyphus

You complete me!

The Devil's in the detail!

"Pendleton will stay afloat no matter what!"

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the recruitment and training of new staff to replace the staff we laid off."

I kicked him upstairs to Diaz, Diaz kicked him over to Fennelson, and Fennelson evidently kicked him out the window.

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

"Hey team, meet our new V.P. of acquisitions and mergers." (businessman introducing a vicking, barbarian)

"Missing a call is no excuse for eating your assistant."

'Here's the good news. 'Happy camper' and 'are we having fun yet' have been added to the official list of banned cliches.'

"I'll start thinking outside the box when the box is empty."

"You bring up an important concern, but I'm looking for a problem that better fits my preconceived solution."

The breakup

Change of management - warning about revolving door policy

'It's negative attention ... as long as you keep asking why, they'll keep on doing it.'

"No, I don't believe youth is wasted on the young. I believe money is."

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

Good stripper cop / Bad stripper cop

Cliche Amusement Park. This park is no fun at all --- It's too much like real life! Look, that ride is called "The Emotional Roller Coaster." Over there is "Life's Ups and Downs"! ... and "The Mood Swings"! Look! The good old "Tunnel of Love"! Finally! A ride that's just a fun escape! Out of ardor. "Out of ardor" --- More real life. (Published originally Sept. 4, 2005.)

"If all you have is a whatchamacallit then every problem looks like a thingamajig."

I was hoping you might convince him by demonstrating the quality of the product.

'The boss has a distinct way of chewing you out.'

"The boss said this meeting's about taking us back to our origins!"

"Milton Woolburg, founder of traditions, legends, and general flimlam."

"Delegation is an important attribute of being a leader, but not if you're delegating the leadership!"

'Lookout, here comes another boatload of cartoonists.'