Mailing Guru Pillows

U. S. POST OFFICE, 'Well, that's enough postage, but just barely.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

Out and In.

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

Create some buzz!

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

Target your customer.

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

"Yes, social media's a great way to express your opinions - shame you feel 'ignored and unappreciated by an aloof, faceless boss' - but that's because I haven't a clue who you are or what you do around here!"

"I was going to have my people call his people, but I’m pretty sure his people have Caller I.D."

Salesman I-Pad Business Card

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

Spam in Hell.

"I dreamt we got a 'sorry you were out' card."

Santa called but you were out!

Bob thinks his new neighbor may be bad for business.

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

Trump Destroying U.S. the Postal Service

"Mail's here."

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

Executive Asks Death To Wait

"Enough about the forest, why don't you show us more trees?"

So, if you don't get this mail because I wrote the wrong address again, please reply to me a.s.a.p. Best, Bob

"You should be able to get through your emails during the working day then you could use the rest of your life to do some of the work."

'Harold is the brains behind the Smudge-o-Rama mailer.'

The Thinker. The Listener

'To make sure I get noticed I always talk in a big bold typeface.'

A close shave on the Titanic...

"I'm Kurt... this brochure will explain the rest."

Women's sportswear - Sale on paradigm shifts.

Excess Baggage: You send emails from exotic places just to make your friends jealous.