Magical Memoirist T-Shirts

"I'm writing a memoir. It's mostly recipes."

"Do me next."

I'm currently working on my autobiography. Would you care to help make page 327 interesting?

"Can you rewrite this in 3-D?"

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

fairy tales

Fairy tale

'Oh, I'm just writing a tender memoir or my long ago affair with J.F.K...it's filled with pathos and sad wishful longing...'

Witch dice.

'The end. Well, time for bed. What are you writing?'

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"

'This is the shortest autobiography I've ever read!'

Guru levitates while wife vacuums.

"It's a fortuitous coincidence that the greatest moments in music history were when I was in high school."

'..and one for the pot.'

"I'm in here, rereading the great poets, myself among them."

'It's a slice of life...I cut a long story short.'

Rudy, I loved your memoir. It was fascinating. The way you overcame huge odds to invent the computer. How you went on to protect us from government surveillance. You know none of it's true. The way you swore yourself to humility. People so want to believe a good story.

'126,000 words done...now I just need to work out what order to put them in.'

Shakespearean Actor

Mystic Writes 2014 Diary

"Garbage in, great books out."

You will go on a trip.

'I'm thinking of doing an illustrated memoir.'

"The quality of the writing is an embarrassment, it has no style, no fluency, no soul!"

Tomb of the unpublished author.

Watch the author miss his deadline 4 to 7

"I would take out the curse words, but otherwise I think it's fine."

'According to your love line, I should be calling a cop right now!'

"We're looking for fresh, exciting, independent voices which are very similar to those of our existing bestsellers."

"I'm working on texting my memoirs."

"I read your manuscript with interest."

'What do you mean, you've used up your advance?'

"Vous voyez quoi pour l'avenir de l'humanité?"

Man asking lady if she cares for him