Magical Memoirist T-Shirts

"I'm writing a memoir. It's mostly recipes."

"Do me next."

"Can you rewrite this in 3-D?"

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

fairy tales

Witch dice.

Fairy tale

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"

"It's a fortuitous coincidence that the greatest moments in music history were when I was in high school."

"I'm in here, rereading the great poets, myself among them."

'..and one for the pot.'

Guru levitates while wife vacuums.

'This is the shortest autobiography I've ever read!'

'It's a slice of life...I cut a long story short.'

'126,000 words done...now I just need to work out what order to put them in.'

'I'm thinking of doing an illustrated memoir.'

Shakespearean Actor

Mystic Writes 2014 Diary

"Garbage in, great books out."

Tomb of the unpublished author.

"The quality of the writing is an embarrassment, it has no style, no fluency, no soul!"

"I would take out the curse words, but otherwise I think it's fine."

"I'm working on texting my memoirs."

"I read your manuscript with interest."

"We're looking for fresh, exciting, independent voices which are very similar to those of our existing bestsellers."

'According to your love line, I should be calling a cop right now!'

Man asking lady if she cares for him

"Vous voyez quoi pour l'avenir de l'humanité?"

'What do you mean, you've used up your advance?'

Watch the author miss his deadline 4 to 7

"Great news! Your novel is in a medium-size pile in the middle of the floor about four feet from the left side of Oprah's assistant's desk."