Magic Tool Shopper Pillows

'What's the situation about new wands these days?' - 'You can't beat 'compare wands.com.'

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

'No worries Grizella, let me call my 'eye of newt' guy...'

Latest Greatest Fastest Computer...versus Good Enough.

'Man, I've bought heaps on my credit card this month...It always amazes me...How many things I'd rather have than money.'

'It's amazing! I'm a magician! I can make a weekly wage disappear in four hours!'

'Let me through - I've a bargain for a nose!'

"Spend a pound, lend a pound, risk a pound and shed a pound."

Mall of ages

"I have to confess a sin, Preacher. I went premarital shopping."

"Let's make believe they have to get dressed to go out now because there's a big sale at Bloomingdale's."

"My husband can carry up to fifty times his body weight: he's great to go shopping with..."

"Look's like a dummy run to me!"

'They say gemstones have properties for relieving stress. . . once you get past the stress of paying for them.'

Bag for life and a bag for wife.

"If you promise to be very careful, Mommy will let you carry the baguettes."

Sweaters. Remember, son, we're men. We walk in, we buy, we walk out. No browsing.

'They're very easy to use - just remember not to press the large button marked 'Nitro' '

'Christmas is a magical time - see how my hard earned cash just magically disappears.'

'Herbert's Doctor recommended shock treatments, so I brought him here so he could check out the prices.'

'Don't bother using the cash machine on the High St. I've worn it out.'

Woman begging surrounded by shopping bags - 'In Debt, Please help'

'She's in training for the Olympics. The 100 metre sprint to the checkout.'

'Witch? Best broom buys'

"We were a once proud nation of shopkeepers!"

"This model has the market's lowest air drag quota!!"

"Go Boxing Day shopping if you want...you couldn't drag me to that mall today!"

Remember, son, we're men. We walk in. We buy. We walk out. No browsing. Sweaters. (Originally published on 2008-01-14).

I'll trade you my phone for a latte. Pardon? You'll love it. It's vintage. A collector's item. It's from 1998. I bought it from a really old man in a magic shop last year. No deal. Come on! It's not like the shop vanished as soon as I left it. And it's not like I keep getting mysterious late-night calls on it from people in 1998 who keep telling me jokes I've already heard a million times. And it's not like the magic shop man told me I can only get rid of the phone by selling it or trading it. R

"I've managed to beat the taxman, I had a coffee in Starbucks, upgraded my Vodaphone and did some shopping on Amazon."

"Do you need anything magnificent? I'm off to the hypermarket."

"I'm looking for something slightly more perfect."

"...Now gas is almost as expensive as bottled water!"

"Surfboards?"

Grab your stuff and pay and get out of here convenience store.