Machine Humanizer Prints

Cash machine having a nervous breakdown

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

Robotic Man

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

"If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?" "I’d totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body." "That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000." "Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he’s concerned about his mortality. Your answer should have been 'nothing.'" "The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy." "I think I’d rather wait for the 7000–S." "Stop it."

Man and Machine snoozing

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

"Can you help me? I'm having a little trouble working the shredder."

Mike had learnt by heart the whole training manual, apart from the most important bit.

'It's not working because it claims it can think and has decided not to.'

Your Country Needs MOO!

There are planets where lifeforms are almost human...

Beer Garden Kit

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

'Your honor, my client feels you should recuse yourself as he is a cat person.'

'Hold it, you can cancel that STAT call.'

Digger.

Factory foreman says: 'Sometimes the machines here do try to take over the world. Last week the coffee maker even had a go.'

"What setting do I use for this?"

Depending on somebody else to do something right phobia: 'You mean nobody knows where they put the fuse box?'

'Looks like another hostile takeover.'

'About this 50% error rate of yours, Billington . . .'

Robots/inspected.

Body builder flexs his muscles so much that his head disappears inside them.

Anti-Litter Machine

Nature rebels against the machine

For years he had spent every free moment working on his perpetual motion machine. So far, he was up to 18 seconds.

Like lambs to the slaughter, my ass.

"Clarence thinks he's hot stuff now that he got the portable DR tricked out."

The Incredible Bulk

A robot dog urinates nuts and bolts on a fire hydrant.

After hours of tinkering, Jeff finally makes his computer go faster.

"It looks like the only time I can fitness walk is at 7 pm...when my favorite telenovela starts..."

Cook-In.

"I hate these tablets - when I dine out I want a waiter I can snap at!"